As one gets older, one grows smarter. As one gets smarter, one grows to be more mature. As one gets more mature, one tends to have better opinion of the surroundings and events.
Oh well, one year. I say i've learnt a lot. Lots of dilemmas. The same number of decisions made and all seem to be right at that instant. Yet on hindsight, regrets started to manifest.
Once again. Another crossroad. Another dilemma. Another decision to make. Another fear of making the wrong decision. Yet another time-bomb or another treasure chest.
A headache, a drop of tear. Emotions, zooming around the brains like electrons. Thoughts, flying around in the head like protons. Fears, Manifesting itself in the mind like neutrons. Decision, a choice that has to be made like a process in a nucleus.
Oh well, at the end of the day, you learn another thing. Life's like that XD Haha, ok i think these few incidents have really let me learn and think back on lotsa stuffs. Perhaps im just not meant to be in it, but yea it has really taught me lotsa things. 3 more months, i really hope i wld be with you all, but in a better environment. Sry but i really don't wna stay in a place where i can't be happy, even if it meant doing something i like a lot.
[continuation]
Its generally known that dams of Mars will definitely be stronger than that of those of Venus. Yet one thing we can't deny is that the purpose of both dams is to control the water. We have to admit that one day eventually, even Mars' dam will open. There are many reasons, many purposes, many different timings to when the dam will open. However, one day, it will regardless of the factors... It opened yesterday and the water started gushing out.
Different reasons and perhaps to the other dams still tightly closed, they won't understand the particular dam that opened the gate that very day. Just take for example the dam that just opened the gates yesterday. 8 months ago, during the last battle that would decide a different fate for that squad if it were a lost or a win. In the end, the fate was casted, the battle was a lost and that squad had to march behind the winner. That very day, a few dams opened their gates. That very dam that opened yesterday wondered to himself at that time, "what are wrong with all that dams, they are behaving like the dams of venus." That dam was told he was strong. Yet to himself, he just didn't understands why one should open the gate that very day. Now he gets it, and thinking about it, he understands and feels it.
14 months ago, it was played upon seeing the glory of his ex-school's team. 13 months ago, it was played and worked hard on to be the best given the competitive nature. 12 months ago, it was played to be the best in order to play. 8 months ago, it was played for the fun and enjoyment of the game albeit being slack. Alas, it was also because there was no reason that it shouldn't be played. 2 weeks ago, it was played with nothing of the above. But hatred and pride.
Alas, so many reasons there are. So many reasons there are to play the sport. And it has to end with the nastiest of it all. Hatred. Some debate that hatred is a fuel to motivate the soul, hence its good. Some debate that hatred is a growing evil and should be discarded. And to me, i have accepted both.
Many times in the past 14 months, thoughts of not playing have manifested in the mind, shooting out from the mouth. Yet coming to think of them, how many times are they true. Twice. Once in the past and the other...
Again i say, i simply love it. In fact i love it too much that i cannot afford myself to hate it because of some external factors which spawns hatred. And the only way to continue liking it and not let those hatred influence my mind, is to have nothing to do with those hatred. And the only way, is to sacrifice the love for the hatred to maintain my love for the love.
14 months ago, I really like it... to throw, to field, to bat, to pitch, to run, to shout, to win, to put in so much effort in it...
14 months later, i still like it...to worry, to talk, to strive, to walk, to strike... But ultimately, the difference is, i admire it that it can sacrifice itself for a happier me, to sacrifice itself before evil seeds ruin its image, to remain as fun as it used to be.
~yoz~bert~yoz~
2:41 AM
