Grow Fungus Grow!
Grow Mould Grow!
Invade Darkness Invade!
Invade Loneliness Invade!
Turn this land into a No-Posts land!
Transform this serenity into an air of eerieness!
I hereby DECLARE,
THIS BLOG IS FOREVER SHUT DOWN!
And I can't be bothered to spend any extra effort to delete anything or to shut down this place properly.
SO BEHOLD THE GREAT MOMENT!
B O O O O O O O O O O M!
"The end of the Masked-Window!" - Be masked forever into eternity!
~yoz~bert~yoz~
8:29 PM
I have many friends, but I don't have many close friends whom I can boast of. In fact at any point of time, I can count the number of them with my two hands. Nope, its not that I don't treasure the friendships or I don't hold the friendships I have in high regards. Nope I don't, in fact I realised that its more of a self defense I have set up subconciously to prevent myself from feeling sad too often. Since I was young, whenever I thought a great relationship was going to surface, I had to part with that person and never see him/her for a long time. For example, my cousins, my aunts in Indonesia. At that moment, i was really helpless, I couldn't do anything but to see them move further away from me. Everytime on the plane back from a trip in Indonesia, I'll definitely feel that awkward and sad feeling. I remembered the few times I cried so badly in front of everyone when I was pulled away from them to board the plane back. As time passed by, I knew how naive I was. My mother often told me the same. It is impossible to stay with them all the time. Ever since my childhood, I already started building this mechanism of self defense not to get too attached to people. The few times which I accidentally got too attached to anybody, I was further proved that I shouldn't since at the end of the day I had to leave them too.
In fact, for a long long time, I haven't experienced this feeling of missing good friends and visualizing the day I would leave them. I haven't, and when I do, it spells troubles, because it means that the self defense I had carefully imposed on myself over the years have already been invaded. This time, I thought the probability of me falling into this trap I brought upon myself is really slim. I had already learnt to deal with it for years already, but I guess I was wrong this time. I already could sense this attachment forming. Especially after yesterday when Jen, Marriane, Sam and Bao threw me this pleasant surprise early birthday part, I was really quite shocked. No one has ever threw me a surprise party haha. The last time I was really elated was when my clique celebrated my birthday together with me last year. Anyway let's not digress, I was really touched by Jen and Marriane especially. I don't know how to put this in words, haha yea I am emo-ing now. Gah I really can imagine what its like without them next year. Lol even though they bully me so much but yet again these are the memories or stories I will remember and can tell to others. Gahh haha even though I haven't known them for a long time, but they have added so much more to my life, and the small little advices they gave me had actually helped me recover from the blow I suffered during common test. What I had done with them in this short while are in fact much more significant that what I had gone through with most people I had knew for years already. And they helped me realise there are more things worthy of my attention out there than games like Dota or Maplestory. Rah I will miss them, I really will, to what extent I don't know yet. Thank you Jen, Mary, Bao, etc and especially Jen and Mary for these wonderful memories.
Haha, 'Super'-dog!
~yoz~bert~yoz~
12:21 AM
OMGOSH I accidentally deleted my post, which I finished already and was doing some minor editing. Grr. Due to a very bad headache, I'll shorten the post by 100Xs!
Tuesday
Last day of promos. Went to play pool and caught a movie with my classmates. The movie 'nanny diaries' was good, just suitable for watching after promos.
Wednesday
Chem spa was over this day. 2 more spas left to go! Mann, can't afford to screw them up anymore. Played soccer with the guys and went to lan at E2max after that. Dota was fun and great, but not cs. I almost puked after cs.
Thursday
Went to sing kbox with cat and company to celebrate Simin's and Cherry's birthdays. Even though my voice sucks, but I couldn't resist and started singing quite a lot. Well they didn't stop me from singing, really appreciated that 'brothers' ;D
Today
Had game fest today. Played captain's ball and even though we didn't win, but it was really fun! The last game got a bit heated up though haha! Oh well, but that team deserved to win, they were marking us well! Played dota at bytz after that, lost a game with jem and johnson. Oh well but it was fun :D Went to prepare for Zee's birthday and haha it was really retarded. And i got bullied by the touch ruggers -.- They called me their pet dog. Haha but the celebrations was fun. Learnt how to play touch rug after which, and touch rug is fun too! So is netball haha! Mann, but at the end of the day, I ended up with a bad headache. Probably due to the sun, which I was under it almost for the whole day. Whee, gna sleep now! Goodnight!
~yoz~bert~yoz~
6:06 AM
I heard a question a few days ago, 'What is 'fate''? I pondered for awhile and conclude 'fate' is a belief that all the events in our life is already planned out for us by an outside agency. Many, if not most, believe that our own fate is determined by ourselves. Our lives are mould by what we do, our characters and mindsets. Nothing can refute this belief, similarly no one can refute the possibility of our fate being decided the moment we were born. To what families we were born into, how our lives will be shaped by the events that will soon haunt us, and even to the extent of the outcome of the event. Another word commonly used side by side with fate is 'destiny'. The two words are used interchangeably by many today and it is hard to distinguish the two words. Nevertheless, both words have the connotations of a predetermined fate of a person or an entity.
As mentioned earlier, it is hard to define 'fate'. No one knows whether we can control fate or whether our own fate has already been determined for us. Steering away from religious arguments, where other factors such as karma will further complicate argument, fate to many people is insignificant. They deem it as a waste of time to engage in the discussion. To them, it is pointless to since it won't serve any beneficial purpose. I beg to differ though. If 'fate' is like what many ancient people propose, that the events in our life is determined already and the outcome will be the same no matter what we do, so what is the point of us working so hard or risk so much. However if 'fate' is like what many believe, that we control and shape our own life with what we do in the course of our lives, then why are there still those who put in as much effort but couldn't achieve as much as others. With respect to the latter point, many argue that it is the work of chance. Of course, that is justified, but how different is chance from fate. They are two separate words, but it is not hard to tell the similarities. Both words refer to the luck we manifest, something which we cannot control. If this is so, isn't fate like what the ancient believe that our life is already planned from the moment we were born? And if so, what is the point of working so hard. Hence it is definitely not pointless to discuss about 'fate'.
Using examples from my own life, I will show how 'fate' plays important roles in our lives, and how the difference in the mentality towards fate will cause huge impacts in our lives. Assuming that fate is indeed predetermined already, if I were a person who believe otherwise that fate is determined by myself, I would work very hard for exams and tests. Whole year round, instead of enjoying myself, socialising with other people, I will lock myself in my room and study non stop. Of course, I will definitely get good results, unless the person were really a retard or study wrongly. These grades will roughly determine what I will be in the future and it is a gauge of my success. However if my fate is predetermined that I will suffer in the future, no matter how well my grades are, I might still face possibilities of being haunted by diseases and early death when I am near 40 or so. If that were the case, shouldn't I have enjoyed my childhood and have some great fun since I would still die near 40, instead of mugging my ass off for 20+ to 30+ years and just when I get a good job with a good position, I die. However if fate is not predetermined, I would assure myself of a good life if I study really hard when I am young and I watch my health. As shown above, 'fate' really plays a huge impact in our life.
However it is indeed hard or even impossible to tell what exactly is fate; whether fate exist in the state where it is predetermined or will be determined by ourselves. There is no scientific research or any form of studies which will justify this. Probably this is the reason why many people don't bother about fate, but this does not show that fate is not important or discussing it is pointless. In fact from the above discussion, since no one can exactly tell what fate is, it is safer to believe that we can control our fate, however we must control it properly and not spend our lives in vain. What is defined as spending our lives fruitfully is by itself another controversial discussion. Oh well, I guess I should be back to studying for my promos since I have satisfied my sudden desire for blogging already otherwise I'll definitely flunk promos for sure no matter what my fate is or what exactly fate is haha!
~yoz~bert~yoz~
1:18 AM
Still waiting, still looking.
~yoz~bert~yoz~
1:02 AM
It was still a nothing but a hamster to us when it first joined our small family of 4 two years ago. To date, it has already become a member of our family when it left the world. 'Nai nai' what my younger sister named it, died today. It died when all of us were around it, looking at it and praying for it. My mom and sis cried quite terribly, especially my mom who had spent a lot of time playing with it. Below is the picture of it which I took 1 hour just before it died.
The atmosphere was really quite solemn and filled with an air of sadness. I could feel it even though I rarely spent time with it. However it is a totally different case for my parents and sister. They spent a lot of time on it, playing with it. I still remember there was once when we thought we lost 'Nai nai'. My sis had played with it late at night and forgot to close its house's door. My mom discovered it gone the next day and was so totally mad at my sis. We all thought it had disappeared but it popped out three days later and my dad suddenly exclaimed in joys the moment he saw it appearing. We thought it was gone then, but now it really had left us. We just buried it awhile ago. Yea it's really very sad.
~yoz~bert~yoz~
7:16 AM
4 years, they have been lying low. They allowed me to do whatever I want at my own pace, silently believing that in the end everything will be alright. I didn't prove them wrong, however that was only during the start. I changed a lot, slowly over time, and hopefully not irreversible yet. Now they are back in action, with their strict rules and high demands. A part of me tell me I should be relieve that the police are back doing their job, another part of me which have grown more noctorious over the 4 years detest the idea of the police coming back. The moment they came back into action, they implemented a few rules as appetizer. Wow, I really hope the main course won't be too good.
~yoz~bert~yoz~
8:04 AM
